Uncomfortable Silences

Posted on 31 May 2017 @ 8:15pm by Commander Sierra & Captain Stovvan

1,622 words; about a 8 minute read

Mission: Errand of Mercy
Location: Dark Star, en route to USS Redemption's Location
Timeline: ED 5 1000

Stovvan sat in the pilots chair after having moved from the center of the craft to get a bowel of soup and a cold water. He was uneasy to say the least about having Sierra along. In truth he had been avoiding her by taking every mission he could get his hands on since the 'unexpected bundle' had shown up at his doorstep, care of the romulan general that had visited a month or so ago. He sipped at the soup and took a pull from the glass of water as he put his mind into gear and the only reason he could think of that she would strong arm her way onto the mission was to 'talk' about the bundle.

He chastised himself mentally she wasn't a bundle but a child, his child by another woman. He ground his teeth as he breathed in and exhaled slowly. "She has a name" he half hissed to himself "T'Sahri, my daughter. And you expect Sierra to care for her as if she was her own. You selfish bastard." he grumbled as he downed the rest of the water in one gulp and stared at the soup that was sitting on the navigation console, so fixated was he that he didnt see or sense Sierra as she came to the front.

Sierra came back to the front, and curled herself into the chair next to him and quietly asked a question she'd been asking herself for years but had never gotten a good answer "Why did you rescue me from the Facility?"

The question threw a monkeywrench into his mental gears and he blinked rapidly moving from the surprise daughter to andold memory. "Because you were mine as much as I was yours..." his mind went back in time to the days before he had left Vulcan to go to the Academy.

"Are you mine? Am I yours?" she asked quietly her hands folded over her belly. She had not yet lost the weight she'd gained from her pregnancy with their son.

He blinked quickly again and turned in the pilots chair to look at her, he tilted his head and nodded "Of course you are, I am yours. I always have been, always will be."

Sierra reached out her fingertips towards him, her lips turning up in a tiny smile. He took her fingers in his hand and kissed the back of her hand softly. He tried to control the wave of sadness and shame that took him now days when he touched her, the wife he had failed.

He could hide nothing from her, and uncurling herself she shifted over and curled her body in his lap instead. Resting her head on his shoulder, her breath caressed his neck. "Husband..." she breathed, reaffirming him in her mind as hers.

He smiled slightly as he wrapped his arms around her and pushed away the shame. "Wife." he whispered back softly "I.. I'm sorry." he finally said forcing his voice to remain level.

She found his hand and entwined their fingers so their link could not be pushed to the side. He'd been excluding her from his thoughts more and more recently and she wanted to make sure that he couldn't pull away from her now. "You had no fault in this Stovan."

"Your to kind Sierra, of course I had a fault. I should have told you what happened when I remembered... after I remembered." he stopped his mind working like a machine with thick grease bogging down the gears "I should have told you after I remembered." he repeated unsure of how to say the rest.

"I should have realized before..." came her whisper as a shiver coursed down her body "But I so enjoyed your attention."

He snorted "And I enjoyed it as well."

Her sigh seemed to take the energy out of her as she rested her head upon his shoulder, seemingly exhausted. "Tell me...the whole tale?"

He blinked quickly "Which tale my love? "

"Of how you remembered....and what happened?"

It was his turn to sigh. "I didn't remember, not until a few weeks after my hormones were normalized. Even then it was flashes, moments frozen in my memories like some macabre holonovel the princess enjoys. You know the old detective stories." He paused for several moments processing how best to describe it. "She was the target for my op. I was supposed to infiltrate the romulan military and get information on the counter intelligence ops they had running. Remember, there was a big scare before Romulus was lost." He stopped again.

"I heard vague hints. The master had some roaring nightmares about it though.". Sierra sighed softly, remembering the screams she'd heard only in her head.

Stovvan nodded "Well I made landfall as per plan and meet our contract in the capital city. The inn keeper, last I remeber was her serving me some soup. Then it was flashes of feeling hot and wrong as I made my infiltration into the Romulan military HQ. By the time I got into the generals office I was barely able to control the fires. Then it is a haze of ripping cloths, hands around the neck and the cool of the stars bulkhead under my face as the emergency protocols kicked in." He shook ever so slightly as he remembered. "Flashes of my crawl to one of the stasis cells and that's where they found me close to death preserved by the fields we use to suspend or targets."

"I think I knew when the fires hit you..." she whispered remembering the burning need that had washed over her from him when he was in the generals office. She'd been alone, but she'd screamed for him, when he'd been too far away for him to hear or come to her.

He sighed "It was less than enjoyable. I'm not certain part of the reason I don't remember all of it to this day is because I've blocked it out. I felt incredible, oppressive, all encompassing shame. I couldn't be around you because of it. I..." he paused but the halt in his voice belied the emotions he was struggling to keep under control "I didn't deserve you, don't deserve you. It's illogical I know but that's what I've felt that's why I've been taking every mission I could to start away from and not sully you with my shame."

"It wasn't done in the proper manner husband, but we burned together. I would not have denied our bond. Nor will I ever." she whispered into his ear and nuzzled him gently. Her mind touched his, and her love of him washed over him momentarily before she pulled back. Physically, her fingertips caressed from the tip of his ear to the point of his chin.

He kissed her cheek and hugged her closely to him. His muscular frame taking up most of the seat as he held her against him. "I feared those words wouldn't come from your lips any longer."

"I should have done, the moment I knew I was pregnant" her whisper held a depth of regret that actually made her eyes well up.

"I should have said something sooner as well and not waited till my surprise arrived at the door." He paused then snorted. "You know it's not a stork but a Romulan General that delivers babies."

Sierra gave a throaty laugh, and hid her face in his neck. "Her arrival was good though, it gave you closure...and made Nathan shove you back into my arms. I'd...missed you."

"I've missed you too. He did shove me into the or when you went into labor. I was there even if I wasn't there." He looked over her shoulder at the readouts then continued "His exact words were 'Get in there or I'll strip you of ops status and ground your ass for psych reasons you Damned Fool!' I could literally hear the capitalization of the last two words."

"And I spent most of the next few hours in nearly this position..." she murmured as she snuggled her arms around his neck. "Explain what you mean by you were there even if you weren't?"

"By your side I was hiding in the shadows."

"So that's why Nathan slapped you." She snorted a laugh. "Did he tell you that when my waters went in the office he said he would drag you to me by your stubborn pointy ears if he had to?"

"No but that does sound like a man who is used to getting his way." Stovvan snorted. "Very like the Master. Pointy ears indeed."

"I love your ears" she murmured, reaching up to stroke the one closest to her.

"I love you." He said simply.

She raised her fingers to him in a purely Vulcan gesture that they hadn't used since the mission. He'd not invited her into his mind since then, and she'd been reluctant to force the issue.

He returned the gesture running his fingers down hers and back up.

The touch made her shiver all the way to the tips of her toes, and goosebumps erupted on every inch of her skin. They had not been being attentive to each other for too long, and their bond had suffered. It's reaffirmation was just as powerful for her now as it's creation had been. Burying her face in the crook of her neck, she wept unrestrained, their fingers still touching.

He wrapped his arms around her cradling her in his arms as he lifted her easily and moved to the rear of the ship where the living quarters were.
OFF:

Stovvan
Captain
Tempest of The Company
&
Sierra
Commander
Maestro of The Company

 

RSS Feed